Is another beginning of a tough week. Boyfriend is going to fieldcamp next monday/tuesday. It has really like been a long time ever since he went for his fieldcamp. Like a kind of worrying for him. Dk how is he going to adapt to the 3 nights and also the 60km with 30kg fieldpack coming up..
Sometimes, i really afraid what kind of things might happened to him. I really so afraid or even should I say paranoid whenever he go for fieldcamp or even when he go for his route march. 60km with 30kg fieldpack is coming up sooon. I know he'll be strong enough to walk through this. After hearing what he said so much about his camp. Someone died because of 60km routemarch and etc. Life is so unpredictable. Some people might go off just because they can't tolerate those tiredness. Which makes me worrying for him when he can't msg/call me or anything. I know he'll be strong enough, i know he will..
Each & everytime after his fieldcamp, he'll be damn shag or even seeing those injuries at any part of his bodies, which makes me ache a lil by those injuries caused by fieldcamp or even routemarch. He had asked me i rather him to chiong for a officer or remain as a man. If I were to choose, i want him to be just a man so that he won't be so tiring. But another side, i know inside him he want to be a officer so that this will make him something proud of. All I can say, first 4 months of waiting for him at army, is the toughest when i used to have him like EVERY SINGLE DAY. After school, him. Weekend, him. But things changed. We had to adapt to this life just sooner or later. Just that, it came sooner than what i thought.
I had grown up. I really do. I get more independent than before. Sometimes, it just not our day. But, just to realize that, the more i grown up or even know more things, getting more independent than before, the lesser i trust in people around me. Whatever it's. A lil small changed. Most of the girls can't able to wait for their boyfriend till ORD, or even maybe the first few months of army, is really because it's tough to be alone and seeing so many couples out there. There will be some changes to our army boyfriend that they became more hot tempered or even having that 'sian' attitude. But afterall, it's our boyfriend. Maybe some who can't tolerate, will leave. But, some that can tolerate, it's still quite a tough thing to do.
Boyfriend is in army, we really do understand. I really want to do something yet i can do nothing. He changed. I can see with my both eye. He used to be a happy boyfriend. But right now, he had been stressing so much things around him, including me. I don't want to be the problem he stressed about, but i want to be the person that he is happy when he's with me.
Bb, i know this week is the week that you hate most but please be careful and eat some okay? I know you hate those food, but you still have to eat. I promise when you bookout i will treat you some good foood kay? Ysd alr treat you eat teppanyaki le hor. :) I treat you eat yummy yummy food when you're out. I want to be the one & only girl that you're happy with. Just now, you gave me see this,
Stage 6: Downfall
"I love you" has turned a difficult phrase to say again though I seriously do love you... still.. I start to wonder our future though I know I should be marrying... soon.. Our conversation gets lesser and lesser each day though I have lots of things to share with you... I no longer have the interest meeting up though I have so many places I wish to go and so many movies I've yet to watch.. with you of course.. I no longer find any butterfly though I know one day it will definitely come back to me... I hope.. There seems no longer any motivation to make it work again though I am still trying to keep it going..
My heart instantly went aching when i thought you felt all this. But you said :"If one day we reach this stage, don't give up on me." I will never.. So hope you won't give up on me. Careful for next week. Sometimes, distance is a bitch, we spent our time travel to each other instead of spending the time together.
xoxo, prettaye girlfriend of yours.
NYL's
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