Been lots of time, I really wanted to spend my time equally with both my family & my boyfriend. But I knew that this isn't a easy thing to do. Well, after this september, everything will be easy for me & him, right? Sometimes, i really hope that he'll understand that, i tried many times to ask him to know my parents, but he just doesn't want to bcos worrying many problems thus he pulled it till after he ORD, I'm still waiting. Sometimes, parents wasn't a great problem to us but it's really a great problem for me, yes, just me. I can't split myself into two to accompany daddy mammy & boyfriend. I really wish got a day, I can had them together. Sigh. Another 9 more months to go. I knew that days will be tougher since he's gg to study for degree & I wanted to stop at diploma. I hope all this, is not a gap for us. It's really great to have a boyfriend that understand you and be more mature than you are. But sometimes, it also make me feel that, he deserve someone better than me. I need my parent, I also need him.
It wasn't that easy to be me. That worries leaving my parent or boyfriend alone. If I hate being treated like this, I bet they will. But, what am i suppose to do, to make it perfect right now till september? I really dk. I trying hard lots of time, but knowing that i had disappointed them alot. I'm really sorry. I really wish, I wasn't the smallest, or maybe sometimes i think that i don't even deserve to be love by him, that is so much better than anyone though he's a lil dumb, a lil silly, a lil speechless for me. He can had so much better girls in the future when he's in SIM. Really afraid i might lose him. But well, like what he said, 'if i leave you because of other girl, then I don't deserve your love at the first place. But that won't happen.' So much things we're going through, & i really hope no matter what happen we're still standing strong.
PS: I'm sorry to my boyfriend. Because I had disappoints him much because i always have to sacrifice one to accompany one. Sometimes, i wish i know the 'joke' & 'seriousness' that he's giving to me so that i won't be so dumb to believe those disappointments he gave me but it should turn out to be a joke. I'm really sorry, bb. I wanted to see you. But you know that it's in me to be filial now to my parents. I got FOREVER with you. 'I hope you understand, because we got forever to be together, if you willing to.', my heart says so.
No comments:
Post a Comment