Relationship

This gonna be a super long post. Mind me, ohyea. 

Had some problems with boy this week again. Problems after problems. & finally, ysd I open up and told him about how I feel and whats wrong. Perhaps, being in a relationship with the same guy or girl for quite a long time, things tend to change rapidly. 

1) Taking our partner for granted.

Maybe I did taking him for granted for a few times and thinking he might hold on if I ever let go. Sometimes, it's too demoralizing to be with him. Times & times I had told my close friend, 'Hey, we broke up.' For the first time they hear this, they will ask, 'what happen? Are you okay? I come find you okay?' But after a few times they heard this sentence from me, they will say 'Okay, don't be sad.' They already knew that even I said this, after 2 days, maximum is 2 days, we'll be back together. In the past, my guys friends during secondary school should know how much i afraid they might forget about me and taking good care of me. Right now, I only have him, just him. 

2) A fun relationship

We all want a relationship that fits us perfectly and playing with us. When time gets longer, we had forgotten what is the feeling when we just get together at the first place. Those feeling are the best and are easily forgotten. We had get over with those feeling, and perhaps, we can never find it back anymore with the same person. Those days that he bring me to east coast to see stars, strolling in the park, endless of lovely conversation, protecting me no matter what comes by. Those days, we can never find it back anymore. It has been the honeymoon period of us being together and none of us willing to make the effort to do all this again because we had get used to each other and already had that 'gotten' feeling, so for what do all this? Isn't it? 

3) Quarrels, and said break up out of my anger. 

This is something bad that I will always did whenever I'm damn furious about something he did. How he unappreciate things that I had done for him, saying words that hurt me damn badly without thinking. He knew that I will always said it out of my anger. Once I'm angry, I'm just like a vampire that is out of control, I can do anything and all you can do to make me cool down, is to leave me alone. Sometimes, I just want to be left alone when I'm angry. After I had cool down, you can say anything to coax me and i'm okay with it again. That's me that is forever a bad habit that you'll never change. 

Perhaps, when time get longer, we tend to forget the feeling when we just get together. We no longer can find back the feeling of just being together because we're too comfort with each other. It wasn't easy to give out your heart to someone else when it has been hurt before. I changed, I knew it myself. I no longer trust people easily and no longer able to do what I want anymore. I get more tensed up when i'm outside all alone with strangers or with my friends. The only time that I can relaxed myself is when i'm with him & my family. No longer a time that I can totally be myself. Sometimes, or maybe recently, I had been tensed up when i'm with boy just because I'm paranoid about my weight and has been exercising like mad ever since my internship ends. Ohyea, I wasn't overweight, but I just hate having lower confidence on myself. I just wanna do something I like. Striving my goals. I don't want giving my heart to someone and getting it back broken. 

Watching 9pm show, makes me so paranoid about relationship. Once you gotten something, you will forgotten to make the effort to get it and even care it. I don't want our relationship to become something like this. Guys betray, because their girl doesn't need the protection anymore and make them lose the interest in getting them and being tired of loving them. Girls lose faith, because guys no longer treated home as a home. If you were to choose, a guy who flirt around, but his heart only have you, or a guy, come home everyday but no longer have interest in you? I want none. I want a guy that knew when to come home, and know what he's doing without flirting around. A guy want a girlfriend that know how to make herself look better even they have gotten them, looking like a small girl that need their protection and not throwing temper and making guys have the temptation to go out to find someone who will be small girl that they can care about. The more that a girl force a guy to do something, the more a guy will take a step back towards the relationship. I don't want to be a girl that hold on every says in the relationship. Things changed. Everytime quarrel, no matter is what wrongs, I knew that within it, i have fault, but I doesn't know how to said it out or even saying that 3 golden word from my mouth. 

Love, seems so far, yet so near to us. 

是不是在一起久了，我们就忘了当初的那份坚持。

是不是在一起久了，我们就忘了当初的温柔和感情。

是不是我们忘了，而不再去珍惜我们当初最爱的人。