我们的未来

Head to seminar w boy for his trading talk. Gg cry sia! Boy was listening, I'm at the edge of going to sleep. Hehe. Tired die. After seminar slightly threw temper because patience limit is up. Went to eat yummy yummy claypot rice but boy ate 1 & 1/2 bowl. Plus mine! Muahaha! Went PC show saw zk & bought my earpiece! Like a finally! Head back home & rest awhile & playing pokemon w boy. Keep on losing him. Tskkkkk.


Headed out at 6 & went off to old airport road for dinner! ^^ Had pasta but boy ate 1 & half bowl again. Thanks to me. Hehe. Shared douhuaaaaa & slacked at mrt station chit chat. Just dk why this 1 hr if chit chat time passes so fast. :( Chit chat w boy & boy discussed w me about his studies coming up. He knew it himself it gonna be tougher for us. Maybe? I'm not sure if he ever did saw those fear in me. But, at that moment, his words really made me secured.

Had not been sleeping well this 2 week ever since I'm back from staying over at boy's house. I just don't feel safe or right when he's not around. Have been thinking too much. Randomly I asked him, 'Will you fall for a better girl? Will you dote other girl? What if other girl like you? Will your class have prettier girls?' All sort of insecure question popping up in my mind which makes me asked him. He said, 'ya lor, my class got alot chiobu later.' I want beat him up alr. HEHE. Disturb me. & telling me, a girl fall for a guy only have 3 possibility. 1: the guy is handsome. 2: the guy is rich. 3: the guy v caring & friendly & dote girls. Boy have been curing my insecurities by answer each and every answer. Perhaps i'm just too sensitive. Jealousy. I don't know how to cure it, and I trying to avoid myself thinking too much.

Maybe boy is the exception that even the whole world betray me, he's the only one that won't. I have my own insecurities, I learn through what happened, I afraid taking another step ahead to believe/trust even deeper, I afraid being abandoned. But that's me. I had been waiting, ever since we get together. Waiting him to ORD, now, waiting for him to graduate. We both afraid he might not have time for me. I'm afraid too. But i do understand that studies come first so our future will be better. I knew that myself he study is to give both of us a better future & he will got better pay. But, in between this road, will we ever lose each other? This is the question i had been afraid and thinking ever since he done the registration for his school.

Hasn't sleep well this 2 weeks, i'm afraid, just purely afraid of losing, just purely afraid things might change, just purely afraid, i wasn't the one&only girl he care, love & dote. Things have been changing too fast. I'm afraid, really afraid. How many nights, i have to hug my green big bear and holding the hand to sleep. I felt so tired over-thinking, just because i fear losing, fear wasn't the only one anymore..

But that isn't because I love too much.. Another big step. I'm still me.