Headed to work today & went to have lunch together w yangguang. Sometimes quite don't get it what she said but ya, i tried k. :) This is what friends are right? Headed work tgt & busy like dk what. Kept on kana disturbed by pon & zhaokiat. But sad that pon is changing his shift because he stayed at malaysia and he need to rush back every night. Seems a lil sad for us because we 4 seems to go dinner everyday. But he requested to change back to normal again! Maybe he don't bear us. HEHE. Zk told me something and which makes me feel much distracted and guilty for causing all this. I felt that I owe someone a explanation so I called. But then, sometimes, both side is my friends, i can't possible really go side anyone of them but only listen to them right?
I really wanna them to get back to how they used to be but sometimes, boys friendship aint that easy compared to girls. Girls can kp here and there and suddenly be back to friends. But perhaps, maybe their characters. I will always be a listening ears for both of them. Much things shall not write here. Felt guilty much because both side is my friend and idk what to do but only to listen and tried what I can. But maybe it won't help too. I don't compared how long i knew both of them but who is really truthful to me in every friendship. Seems like ever since working, i tried to laugh and avoid those sadness in me. Maybe is just me that, is really hard to h2h talk to any friends when they had more troubles than you & all you can do is to be happy pills to them. Perhaps i tend to be annoying nowadays, idk why i tend to be sticky towards boyfriend or friends.
I tried to understand each and everyone around me had their own difficulties and own problems to handle. Is really okay that I might be neglected at times or feeling so unimportant to anyone who might be busy and forgotten me. I tried to understand that each of us is different and knowing they ain't perfect enough to fit me. I tried to understand that maybe one day i being backstabbed maybe i wasn't good enough for them. I tried to understand that things might not go my way even I wanted it to be. I tried to understand everyone trouble and wanting to be each and everyone listening ears as long as they need me, but what about I need them?
No one seems to see the sadness i had behind every laughter. I hate every night being alone, seriously. Who cares when i'm being alone & sad? Boyfriend is busy w army, best friends and cliques are busy w intern, working friends had their trouble more than me. I'm getting more and more dependent. FUCK IT.
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