Had been really busy and tired this few days. Celebrates sissy's birthday, handling stuff and so on.. Really felt stressed up, alot. Met up with the boy today, or ysd? Whatever. for our 2 and a half years being together. It's a really meaningful day today because he gotten his dream job at marina bay and is standard chartered. But, I don't know, or should I say, I'm not sure how do I feel...
I'm scare, I'm worried, I'm afraid. But I doesn't want him to know how I feel, I just hide this feelings away from him and share the joy he had. At the same time, I'm worried about our future, our relationship, about everything ahead of us. This is another step, but I'm afraid of things changes. He asked me, I rather he in army or outside army? I don't know, I'm confused. I really afraid of losing him. But this is our life, he had to know some girl-friends in his life. I don't know what will happen to us in the future. Seriously, I'm afraid.
I'm not sure if he can overcome all those temptation outside this world right now in his working lifestyle. I really don't know. He said he want me to share the joy with him, he said he want to buy something for me with his first pay, he said he want to work hard for our future, he said he won't leave, he said... That's all with words. But the fact is I'm afraid of our future. I should be believing him and trusting him right? I had too much of insecurities in me isn't it?
Ohyea, that's life. I hate to be afraid losing someone. What am I suppose to do? I should be happy, I really should.. I gonna adapt this life. Telling myself, if he ever betray me, he ain't a good man, so no point keeping. But what if, he left, I left with nothing.. Junting, you're sucha loser, afraid of losing someone you love, yet pushing them away.
But still, congrats my boy & happy 2 years 6 months. We gonna make it through.
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