你快乐吗？想代替你回答。

Was really busy this few weeks and really lazy to update anything anymore. But today since so free & I went garden by the bay again. Nonono, this time I went w mammy! Since she has been pestering me that she want to go. So brought her there to walk. :)



Kcan, first update me & the boy life, still alright. But currently in PMS mode. Keep on stomach damn bloated. ARGH. Tried to go acupuncture but like a no use for this time round. TSK. Guess shall go for jogging. :( 1 more week, just 1 last week to go. Really afraid that things will changed between us after he ORD-ED. Every single day he's in camp, he see all guys, once he come out, he experienced those life with girls around him, somehow, maybe girls that are better than me? Ohyea, there are billions of girls better than me. Like a seriously. Idk, but.. This kind of things hard to say. Had been saying those futures together, when we gonna marry, when to get house, when to give birth, when to save money, how many kids we want, what kind of pram we are getting, what kind of education we gonna give for our kids, where we are going for oversea, and etc.. Idk if all this is gonna come true. Like so many whats if is in my mind running, every single day.

What if he found someone better than me?
What if he found someone chio-er than me? Like seriously alot.
What if he is sick of me?
What if he want to play around?
What if he want to look for someone better?
What if he found someone that has common interest w him?
What if he tired of me?
What if he want something new?
What if..

There are millions, billions, zillions of what if is running inside my mind. I has been putting lots of effort into this relationships. Somehow, I hate to say those words like, 'I love you forever.', 'I will never leave you.', 'You are the best guy in my life.', 'I want to be with you forever.'. Like a seriously, don't use all this words if you said that before. That doesn't work & that sound so fake. What if, CHOY. What if breakup? Are you going to say that to the next person you met? At least need save some integrity for yourselves. When saying about our futures, everything in my mind is 'Are we gonna make it through?' I dare to say, without any lies, without any betrays, without any backstab, I'll not leave this relationship. This I dare to say it loud. Our futures, 10 years later, will we still be as lovely as now? Or we will change? I don't know. But shall see how it goes right? If really break up, I can't blame anyone. Only can say, we ain't suitable. Someone told me before, 'Fate is controlled by us. No one gonna control for us, it's in our hand.' I rmb this till now ever since I was told this during secondary 1.. I'm happy for his ORD-ED, yet I'm afraid..

Went to garden by the bay w mammy & is awesome! :) Shall keep short words and post all those photo up. :) I love my mammy. Really love her being happy and see her running around like a kid sia. HEHE.

Tada~! End w the day w mammy cute hat I put on for her. Seems like a photography for her. Mammy, me love you. No matter what happen, I gonna stay for you both. Feel heartache when we saw a old lazy going out alone and mammy said:"What if next time I become like this?" Idk how, but then, I gonna spend time together with them more. :) Love you mammy!